My Two Cents: War headlines I'd like to see

Some of the media coverage of the U.S.-led war in Iraq has been the subject of criticism, and rightly so, in my opinion.

I laud the American military’s decision to embed reporters with various units of our nation’s armed forces during this conflict. I think having our armed forces more open – with certain limits, of course – to media scrutiny during war will, in the long run, prove beneficial.

I was amazed, however, about a week into the war at the tone of some of the reporting coming from the war zone, which made it sound like the United States and Britain were losing to Iraq.

Maybe it’s the “can’t see the forest for the trees” syndrome, but some difficulties aside, the U.S. and its allies have been astonishingly successful in Iraq.

Imagine, for a moment, today’s media covering World War II. Just weeks after Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor and Germany declaring war on the U.S., reporters would no doubt be asking how long the war would last.

Reporters would probably also be criticizing the Allied efforts at Normandy on June 6, 1944, better known as D-Day. The largest amphibious assault in history, all sorts of things went wrong and Allied forces suffered thousands of casualties, yet somehow the U.S. and the Allied powers went on win the war.

However, in an effort to lighten up the mood a bit, I present some of the war-related headlines I would like to see:

– UN Admits It’s Impotent; Requests Emergency Viagra

– Martin Sheen Just Now Realizing He’s Not the President

– France Changes National Flag to Plain, White Rectangle

– Supply of Iraqi Surrender Flags Traced Back to France

– U.S. to France: Stop Acting Like Spoiled Child or You’re Next

– Name Changed From ‘Operation Iraqi Freedom’ to ‘Operation Saddam

– Iraqi Troops Stop Fighting Like Girly-Men; Quit Hiding Behind Women,

– Saddam Hussein’s Mustache Defects; Providing Valuable Intelligence

– Saddam Hussein Ends Up Like Mussolini: Hanging Upside Down,
Beaten Like a Pinata

– Baghdad To Finally Get a McDonald’s

“My Two Cents” is a weekly column where the author – who realizes war is no laughing matter, but thinks humor is a good way to deal with stressful times – gets in his two cents worth, in spite of the old saying that you only get a penny for your thoughts.