My Two Cents: Suffer the little children when celebrities name their babies

What's in a name? Apparently some celebrities don't ask themselves that question before deciding to give their offspring the most...

It’s not surprising, given their wealth and public adulation, that many celebrities are somewhat insulated when it comes to the real world. Most of us, of course, don’t make so much money that we don’t have to worry about it, and most of us aren’t well-known by the general public.

Still, that’s no excuse for the behavior of certain segments of the rich and famous, whose poor decisions could have disastrous consequences for their offspring. I am, of course, referring to the recent spate of celebrities who have saddled their newborn babies with horrible, horrible names.

The most recent example I can think of is former “Friends” star Courtney Cox-Arquette and her husband, fellow celebrity David Arquette, naming their new baby daughter Coco. Another recent example is movie star Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband, Coldplay band member Chris Martin, naming their new baby daughter Apple. (Apparently food products are a good inspiration for today’s celebrity couples.)

This, of course, is nothing new. Celebrities have long been known for sentencing their kids to childhoods of ridicule, bad puns and never-ending jokes.

The most egregious example that pops to mind is the late musician Frank Zappa who came up with these gems for his kids: Moon Unit, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Dweezil and Diva. Not surprisingly, Michael Jackson – the King of Weird – has named his children Prince Michael, Prince Michael II (aka “Blanket) and Paris Michael. (Have these people never thought of consulting a baby name book?)

I’m just baffled as to why certain celebrity parents, most of whom profess to love their children, would burden their progeny with such ridiculous names.

Then again, it’s not just celebrities. My mom – and I swear I am not making this up – is one of 20 children (all single births and she’s No. 18) and some of her many siblings have odd names. I have an Aunt Orpha (NOT Oprah), if that tells you anything. Luckily, my mom got a nice, normal name: Donna.

I know it’s none of my business, but this is for another former “Friends” star, Jennifer Aniston: If you and husband Brad Pitt ever have children, I beg you not to give them weird names. (Yeah, like they’re ever going to read this column.)

“My Two Cents” is a weekly column where the author – who didn’t particulary like his name when he was a kid, but now thinks it’s okay – gets in his two cents worth in spite of the old saying that you only get a penny for your thoughts. E-mail the editor with comments at: editor@tacomadailyindex.com.

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