My Two Cents: All kinds running for governor in California recall election

I don’t live in California – obviously – but I have been very entertained by the recent electoral circus that is politics in the Golden State. Here is my non-expert analysis of some of the over 100 – that’s not a misprint – candidates running in California’s Oct. 7 recall election of Gov. Gray Davis, who, by the way, is making the rest of us who share the same last name look bad.

Arnold Schwarzenegger (R) – Pros: Big-time name recognition. Super cool campaign slogan in “I’ll be back.” A lock to win the gubernatorial posedown competition. Cons: “Schwarzenegger” hard to fit on a campaign button. Wife Maria Shriver – a Kennedy relative – looks like Skeletor. Has a slight Austrian accent.

Arianna Huffington (I) – Pros: An independent political commentator, she must know what she’s doing. Cons: May have turned ex-husband, former California Congressman Michael Huffington, gay. Irrational hatred of SUVs. Is rich, but doesn’t pay taxes. Has a slight Greek accent.

Larry Flynt (I) – Pros: Impossible to dig up embarrassing dirt on a porn publisher. Cons: Looks and sounds an awful lot like Jabba the Hutt.

Peter Ueberroth (I) – Pros: The former baseball commissioner has experience dealing with rich guys with big egos. Cons: Is a moderate Republican (though running as an independent) like Schwarzenegger. Ah-nold will completely overshadow him.

Gary Coleman (I) – Pros: Least criminally-prone former cast member of 80s television series “Diff’rent Strokes.” Super cool campaign slogan: “Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Gov. Gray Davis?” Cons: The diminutive Coleman will need a step stool to see over podium when giving speeches.

Gallagher (I) – Pros: Isn’t it about time a professional comedian ran for governor? Cons: His smashing-watermelons-with-a-sledgehammer platform not likely to resonate with voters.

Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante (D) – Pros: This guy’s name just sounds like a party! Cons: Et tu, Bustamante? Didn’t tell Gov. Gray Davis he’d be running in the recall election!

State Rep. Tom McClintock (R) – Pros: Is an actual politician with actual government experience. Cons: Is an actual politician with actual government experience.

“My Two Cents” is a weekly column where the author – who thinks a debate between Arnold Schwarzenegger, Arianna Huffington and Larry Flynt would be indecipherable – gets in his two cents worth in spite of the old saying that you only get a penny for your thoughts.