By Morf Morford, Tacoma Daily Index
Like many of us I would guess, my social media news feed has been packed with “pride” posts. But they might not be the “pride” postings that first come to mind – no matter what your stance on Pride Month might be.
As always, it seems, at this time in our culture, every word or phrase holds very different meanings depending on the context and intent.
On my social media news feed, for example, I see a mix of “pride” postings – some making a point about LGBT+ issues and identities and, in contrast, some thoroughly unrelated postings that could have been made a generation, or more, ago.
I’m so proud of my graduate
One strand of social media postings is one that I have seen for years in very different settings. These are the postings by parents or grandparents who are (justifiably) proud of the most recent high school or college graduate in the family.
I have mixed feelings about many of these postings. I find many of the most gushing pronouncements to be embarrassing.
Apparently it might just be me, but I like time to “process” my accomplishments. Too much hoopla is distracting and, in many cases, overshadows the work and investment of time that is being celebrated.
These (usually justly) proud parents list awards, scholarships and special accomplishments and present their children as the ultimate poster child for the children we all wish we had. Not all parents do this, of course. Some quietly commend their children and guide them to the next step in their lives.
Most of these glowing accounts, after all, may be major, but are, in retrospect, relatively routine and expected accomplishments many years in the making.
Rainbow Pride
The LGBT+ meaning of “pride” has, as you might expect, a very different “vibe” and set of connotations.
For the most part, the LGBT+ people I know are not seeking spectacular recognition. They (most of the time) want something very different; they want to be left alone, acknowledged and welcomed at work, at school or in their neighborhoods. They want the opportunities afforded, without questions or conditions, to the rest of us.
They want to work, live, study and have relationships without threats, intimidation or even their appearance or daily life being the fodder for snide conversations.
They want to survive, prosper, travel, live and work alongside of the rest of us with the same level of respect and recognition as anyone else.
In my lifetime, I have run into very few, if any, who have asked my advice on how they should live their lives. Why some feel so compelled to comment on a total stranger’s appearance or implied identity or relationship will forever remain a mystery to me.
Agenda?
Headlines and rabid talk radio shows and websites love terms like “The Gay Agenda”.
If you happen to know any LGBT+ members of your community or family, you know that, in most cases, their “agenda” is to be allowed safety and respect in their neighborhoods and workplaces.
The ultimate irony though, is that, from the perspective of the LGBT+ community, it is the non- LGBT+ community with the clear, obsessive and often violent agenda.
It is not, after all, the LGBT+ community that passes laws, threatens and lobbies slurs at those who are heterosexual.
When legislation, public media, and many public figures rail against your “life-style”, “pride” – as in solidarity and free expression is a reasonable response.
Safety for the LGBT+ community is, like safety in every other arena of life, predicated on recognition and respect – not as a “privilege” or part of an “agenda”, but as a baseline of existence and participation in one’s community.
Pride
Either way, it seems that we walk a fine line with “pride”. Does “pride” imply or presume appreciation? Valuing? Public recognition? Smug superiority? Inherent inferiority of others?
What about pride of nationality or ethnicity? Who is not proud of someone’s service to their country or community? Or proud of their heritage? Or of their children?
The irony of course is that “pride” is considered by most, if not all world religions, to be the most corrosive and negative “sin” of all. Of the “seven deadly sins”, “pride” is considered the source, root, and inspiration for all the others. “Pride” is considered, in most traditions, the “deadliest sin” of all – the polar opposite of humility, acceptance, forgiveness and community.
The sin of pride is usually seen as an excessive preoccupation, even obsession, with self and one’s own importance, achievements, status, identity or possessions.
The “pride” of Pride month, on the other hand, is all about humility, acceptance and community.
Born this way?
The driving force behind most “pride” that I have encountered that has always puzzled me is that those who strike me as most arrogant, even destructive in their “pride” had little to do with what they are “proud” of.
Being born into a wealthy or prominent family, or of a certain religion or ethnicity, for example, is not an “accomplishment” by any definition.
We should all value and appreciate who we are, where we come from and our personal or family heritage, but to claim superiority or even a sense that we “deserve” a certain status just because we were born into it, is odd, if not delusional.
A healthy dose of pride, on the other hand, is rooted in earned confidence and achievement.
Pride becomes dangerous (to ourselves and others) when it becomes arrogant and a brittle and harsh, even violent, obsession, seeing threats everywhere and leading to cheating, lying, or faking – as we have seen all too often in our public sphere from sports to politics – among many others. But pride can also unite and strengthen us as individuals and communities.
Healthy pride welcomes and invites, does not belittle or threaten others and is, oddly enough, willing to admit its weaknesses and shortcomings and is willing to appreciate the “pride” others have in their identities, legacies and accomplishments.
You would think that the “pro-life” community, if they lived up to their own ideals, would step up in defense of human existence and expression in all of its fullest forms.
Americans in particular should hold aloft, above every personal or philosophical objection, our core founding belief that every human being has inherent “inalienable” rights including the most basic rights of “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” with no conditions or exceptions.
