Scientists are at it again, working hard to improve our lives in really weird ways. Its been recently reported that British engineers have invented a revolutionary tooth implant that works like a mobile phone. Really.
As explained by these engineers from England – a country well-known for the immaculate dental hygiene of its citizens – the tooth phone consists of a tiny vibrator and a radio wave receiver implanted into a tooth during routine (yeah, right) dental surgery. Sound would come into the tooth as a digital-radio signal and be transferred to the inner ear by bone resonance, meaning information can be received anywhere and at any time – and nobody else can listen in. Inventors say its only a matter of time before a microchip can be installed in the implant, thus producing a fully functional phone that makes even todays smallest cell phone seem gigantic and unwieldy by comparison.
What potential effects – good and bad – will this new form of communication have? It boggles the mind.
– Your new phone will be virtually impossible to lose.
– The undeniable James Bond-like cool factor.
– Hearing voices in your head will no longer automatically mean you are insane.
– In certain instances, people will actually look forward to going to the dentist. (Im so excited. Im going to the dentist today to get my new phone installed!)
– You will no longer be able to claim you werent home as a reason for not answering the phone.
– Showing off your new phone to impress the babes will be rather awkward.
– Since its only a matter of time before scientists develop two-way tooth phone communication, it will become increasingly difficult to distinguish between crazy people talking to themselves and those taking part in actual phone conversations.
– While installing your new phone, the dentist could discover some cavities, resulting in hours of painful oral surgery.
Aside from making strides in the area of dental-based communications, leaders in the world of science and technology are working on several other life-changing projects, including: genetically engineered oranges the size of basketballs, a pill that keeps Americans awake during World Cup soccer matches and a device that translates rapper slang into English.
My Two Cents is a column that will appear in the Index every Monday, so the editor may get his two cents worth in… even though you only get a penny for your thoughts.